Between Children and Aging Parents

Produced by Brian Storm / mediastorm.org

The Sandwich Generation isn't a secret society for people addicted to lunch meat and mayo. It's a far less savory club for those who find themselves simultaneously taking care of aging parents and young children.

It can mean running between teacher conferences and cardiologist appointments, helping with homework while cleaning the commode, and tying shoelaces for everyone.

Here, filmmaker Julie Winokur and photojournalist Ed Kashi share their intensely personal struggles to juggle children, an aging parent and their careers.

After viewing their story, go to the next page to find out more about the Sandwich Generation.

By Samuel Greengard

A Juggling Act

It's no secret that raising children or tending to aging parents demands time, money and resources. The situation is especially daunting for those who work full time. But, for a growing number of Americans, there's a new challenge emerging: providing care for an elderly parent while raising kids. As baby boomers postpone childbirth into their 30s and 40s and life spans increase, many are finding themselves helping their children with the homework while assisting parents or other relatives with housework...or medical care.

Experts have labeled this group the "Sandwich Generation." According to Margaret Neal and Leslie Hammer, both professors at Portland State University in Oregon and authors of Working Couples Caring for Children and Aging Parents: Effects on Work and Well-being, some 9 percent to 13 percent of U.S. households with two or more people age 30 to 60 tend to elders at least three hours a week while raising children. "Working couples report greater stress, increased levels of work-family conflict, slightly higher levels of depression and, in some cases, financial challenges," Hammer explains.

Although caregiving has always existed, it's affecting more people ... and impacting them more profoundly, observes Donna L. Wagner, a professor and director of gerontology at Towson University in Maryland. Not only have basic demographics changed, more women have entered the workplace, families are more dispersed and many workers have no financial net to fall back on. They simply can't take time off -- even with the Family and Medical Leave Act (which provides 12 weeks annual unpaid leave for a birth or family health condition).

Too often, individuals caught in the middle find themselves unprepared to deal with the melange of practical and emotional issues caregiving brings. Already stressed with work and children, time and energy are at a premium. Meanwhile, "many individuals aren't equipped to handle the role reversal of becoming a parent to their parent," states Carol Abaya, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist and expert of aging. Coping with financial and legal issues as well as juggling phone calls, visits and in-home care can affect work and relationships -- and lead to guilt when there's a feeling of not living up to standards. "In many cases, something has to give," Abaya says.

Nevertheless, caregiving isn't always a negative. Neal and Hammer discovered that those caught in the Sandwich Generation often benefit from providing care to their aging parents. And men are increasingly involved -- devoting an average of 7 1/2 hours a week to caregiving compared with 10 hours for women. These individuals forge closer relationships with their parents, children gain sensitivity and a better understanding of the aging process, and grandparents may be able to assist with childcare and other tasks.

Some employers are beginning to take notice. They're allowing more flexible scheduling and a more supportive environment for caregivers. A few, such as Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago, pay for up to 80 hours per year of in-home care for family members. Others offer flexible spending accounts for dependent care. Yet, according to Wagner, changes are needed at the government and societal level. "We must acknowledge how serious this issue is and that we need to do a better job to support workers and families." [ next ]

HOW TO COPE

* Make sure that an elderly family member's legal and financial affairs are in order, including a living will and, if necessary, power of attorney.

* Involve your children in the caregiving process so that they can gain sensitivity, bond with family members and lighten some of the load.

* If possible, divide tasks and responsibilities among other adult family members.

* Use supplemental daycare or eldercare, if available and affordable.

* Prioritize needs and demands while learning to say "no" to some things without feeling a sense of guilt.

* Consider finding a pet for an elderly family member. Oftentimes, this improves an individual's health and emotional well-being.

* Communicate with elders and children. Children who are educated, informed and involved are likely to better adjust to the situation. Also, seek support from your spouse.

* Take breaks and provide time for yourself -- if only a few minutes. [ next ]

QUICK FACTS

* In 2005, 71 percent of baby boomers between the ages of 41 and 59 had at least one living parent. In 1989, 60 percent of those in this demographic group had a living parent.

* Approximately 9 percent to 13 percent of U.S. households are part of the Sandwich Generation.

* Nearly half of all Americans believe they should be doing, or should have done, more caregiving for their parents.

* Nearly three quarters of those in the Sandwich Generation say that they are able to handle their family responsibilities. About 44 percent report that they enjoy taking care of both elders and children.

* As many as 1.4 million children in the United States between the ages of 8 and 18 provide care for an older adult.

* 31 percent of wives faced with caregiving reduced the numbers of hours they worked compared to 17 percent among husbands.

SOURCES: AARP; National Alliance for Caregiving; Pew Research Center; M.B. Neal and L.B. Hammer, Portland State University.